Industry the July/August 2024 issue

Make a Simple, Powerful Statement on Belonging

Meet people where they are and how they want to be called.
By David Singer Posted on July 15, 2024

I usually call it DEI for ease of use, but by doing so I leave out belonging, which is a powerful part of these principles, as my friend Kevin Davis wrote in the April 2024 edition of Leader’s Edge.

A couple of years ago, my employer, Risk Strategies, offered employees the option of adding pronouns to our email signatures. I quickly signed up to have our IT team update my email signature to “David Singer (he/him).” It was an easy decision. Years before, I had already updated my name that way on LinkedIn. 

Some might say it wasn’t a big deal for me to let people know my pronouns are the ones I’ve always used. So why did I? Because I wanted to let clients, prospective clients, and my colleagues know I accept them as they are. I want people I interact with to feel comfortable—in other words, to have a sense
of belonging. 

I feel the same way about pronouns. I’ll refer to someone however they want.

Some people find it confusing to call people by their chosen pronouns if those are not what they expected for a person they just met. It can also be challenging to shift to different pronouns for someone they already knew. But it’s really not that hard. And I have a couple of stories to demonstrate that we can learn to change the words we use, which we should do if we want to be kind to others, to show respect, and to create environments of belonging in all areas of our lives. 

When I was in college, the campus radio station was a major focus of my life. After being an on-air deejay, I was elected toward the end of my junior year to serve as the station’s general manager the following school year. One night shortly after the election, while sitting with two female friends in the dorm cafeteria, I said something like, “What are you girls doing this weekend?” They looked at each other and then looked at me, and one said, “We need to discuss something with you. We are not girls. We are women. We know you didn’t mean any offense, but as the general manager of the radio station, a campus leader next year, you need to know that.”

It felt awkward at first, but I quickly became accustomed to simply saying “women” instead of “girls”—so much so that I still cringe when I hear someone refer to women as girls. 

You might be thinking, “But you were only 20. It’s easier to change when you’re young.” My response leads me to my second story. 

I ended up in the insurance industry because my dad was in the business. We worked together for many years. Early on, I overheard my dad say to someone on the phone, “I’ll have my girl call your girl so we can find a date for lunch.” After that call I explained to my dad that it wasn’t cool to use “girl” to describe these women. I suggested he say, “I’ll have my assistant call your assistant” in those situations. He subsequently changed how he spoke, proving that you can, in fact, teach an old dog new tricks.

Language is constantly changing. My family has a great deal of experience with people with disabilities. My niece Rebecca was diagnosed with a rare chromosomal disorder nearly 25 years ago, putting her on the autism spectrum. Over those years, we learned much about autism, including the use of person-first language. Rather than referring to Rebecca as autistic, we learned to refer to her as a person with autism. Today, while many continue to use the term “person with autism” because they find it more polite or respectful, other people who have received an autism diagnosis prefer to be referred to as “autistic,” stating that is who they are. A client who leads an organization that works with kids and young adults with autism recently told me the “correct” approach depends on your audience—refer to people in the way of their choosing.

One of my college best friend’s teenage twins transitioned to female. So I call her by the name she wants to be called and refer to my friend’s kids as “the kids” rather than “the boys.” Why wouldn’t I?

I want people I interact with to feel comfortable—in other words, to have a sense of belonging.

When I meet someone, I call them by the name they use in our introduction. If I’m at an event and someone’s name tag says Robert but he introduces himself as Bob, I use Bob. My name is David, and that’s how I introduce myself. I don’t hate being called Dave, but I don’t particularly like it. Despite that, some people will inevitably call me Dave. If it’s someone I meet at a cocktail hour and never expect to see again, I let it pass. If it’s someone I’m going to build a relationship with, say someone I’ll be working with, I correct them. They always thank me for the correction and work on remembering to call me David. 

I feel the same way about pronouns. I’ll refer to someone however they want. I hope you, too, will make this effort. It’s an easy way to help foster a sense of belonging—and why wouldn’t we all want that? 

David Singer senior managing director, risk strategies Read More

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